I'm learning by doing. Some days I have phantom husband syndrome, where I think he's going to walk around a corner. Other times, I have a vague sense of change--like the universe has shifted or the Butterfly Effect. Hugs, Linda
Omgeee! I have enough trouble trying to use right handed tools as a left hander. It hadn’t occurred to me how many things require (at least!) two hands. Girl, you are a survivor!
I grew up in Portland OR, and I’m embarrassed to admit I was in my 20s before I realized that in other parts of the country they see blue sky during the winter! lol
I have a lefty son and a lefty grandson, so I get it. I have another friend whose polio affected her dominant right hand, forcing her to be left-handed. Lucky (!) for me I was too young to really get started with either right or left, but I suspect I would be right-handed if none of that happened. Do you use left-handed scissors or do you just turn regular ones upside down? Just curious. Hugs, Linda
I grew up in a household of right-handers, so I never could figure out how to use left-handed scissors! Lol! And my teachers ALWAYS gave me those to use. Ugh.
I wish I could find better words to describe your profound insights-funny the things we miss, it truly is the little things. Holidays have come and gone, and even what would have been our 53rd wedding anniversary and I fared well, but having his hand on my knee when we drove in the car...
I too miss Brad's hands a lot. Butthead lost three wedding rings but wore his Marine Corps ring. He had long tapered fingers. I loved holding hands. You're so right--the little things really count. Hugs and love, Linda
“I wonder if the cure for alone-ness and loneliness is seeing the holy in other people.” I wonder this too, Linda, and think that the intention toward this is, if not the cure, at the very least, a balm. Sending a Sunday morning virtual hug.
Linda, you are so brave to share your "secrets". When we went to the Writer's Conference in Long Beach WA, you rode with me and my cousin Bobbie. We spent the weekend there, you taught some classes, and then you rode home with me. I didn't know until you were posting later that you were unable to use your right arm, so you have learned ways to not bring attention to it. :) My husband passed away in 2011, and I can relate to the being alone but not being lonely. I also know that you don't "get over" grief. Over the years it gets bearable, but when you've spent 50 years with someone, they're always part of your life...and it can be in a good way. I still get a flashback when I see an fifth-wheel RV on the highway, coming toward me with a husband and wife in it. I was visiting friends in an RV park and saw a man and woman walking hand-in-hand down a path. It's amazing how quickly "he" is right next to me again, but how I ache to reach out and hold his hand. Re: peeling potatoes. RA renders my hands fairly unusable at times, so I buy the little red or gold potatoes you don't have to peel. For mashed potatoes (only during holidays usually), I rope in a family members to peel them, or (never for family gatherings) use instant mashed potatoes.....they're a very good replacement. :) Thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Of course I remember that weekend at the beach in Washington. What a beautiful story you tell about your guy. Next week the military cemetery in Roseburg will honor my Marine along with others who've passed away recently. I think that will be a test of my iron will not to cry, LOL. He always called me "sweetheart" and I still wince when I think of one time when I was really mad at him and yelled, "I'm not your sweetheart!" I apologized but that made me always cherish the times he still called me that instead of my name.
I write about this stuff so others won't feel so ashamed of their own challenges--and hope to inspire them to fin ally see that Jesus is carrying them through everything. Oh, and I do get the little spuds and on holidays, I make my famous "Magic Potatoes" with instant mashed potato mix. If you add enough cream cheese and sour cream, nobody cares about peeling the real thing. Hugs! Linda
As I age, I find myself getting angrier at the #@&% failures of the inanimates that are part of my life - things that suddenly fall from a counter and shatter on the floor, etc. Maybe it's my fault, maybe not but either way, my secret is that I find myself getting angrier and angrier.
If I were a psychologist (I'm not), I'd say you're really angry at yourself for daring to lose function. I only say this because some days I feel like all I do is berate myself for clumsiness or not being perfect. it's hard to lose things., especially like eyesight, hearing, coordination, balance. You are NOT alone! ~Linda
This is so beautifully written. Thank you. ❤️🙏
Nicole, Thank you for your kind words. I write about things my heart sees and hears and feels. Hope you feel welcome here. Hugs, Linda
Such a moving... powerful essay.
Nancy,
I'm learning by doing. Some days I have phantom husband syndrome, where I think he's going to walk around a corner. Other times, I have a vague sense of change--like the universe has shifted or the Butterfly Effect. Hugs, Linda
For me, it was phantom middle daughter syndrome. Over a year later and it still (rarely)occurs. ❤️
Omgeee! I have enough trouble trying to use right handed tools as a left hander. It hadn’t occurred to me how many things require (at least!) two hands. Girl, you are a survivor!
I grew up in Portland OR, and I’m embarrassed to admit I was in my 20s before I realized that in other parts of the country they see blue sky during the winter! lol
Julie,
I have a lefty son and a lefty grandson, so I get it. I have another friend whose polio affected her dominant right hand, forcing her to be left-handed. Lucky (!) for me I was too young to really get started with either right or left, but I suspect I would be right-handed if none of that happened. Do you use left-handed scissors or do you just turn regular ones upside down? Just curious. Hugs, Linda
I grew up in a household of right-handers, so I never could figure out how to use left-handed scissors! Lol! And my teachers ALWAYS gave me those to use. Ugh.
I wish I could find better words to describe your profound insights-funny the things we miss, it truly is the little things. Holidays have come and gone, and even what would have been our 53rd wedding anniversary and I fared well, but having his hand on my knee when we drove in the car...
Pam,
I too miss Brad's hands a lot. Butthead lost three wedding rings but wore his Marine Corps ring. He had long tapered fingers. I loved holding hands. You're so right--the little things really count. Hugs and love, Linda
“I wonder if the cure for alone-ness and loneliness is seeing the holy in other people.” I wonder this too, Linda, and think that the intention toward this is, if not the cure, at the very least, a balm. Sending a Sunday morning virtual hug.
Thanks for sharing a couple of your secrets. I hope you feel less alone after sharing. I feel less alone after reading your words! My dirty little
secret is that I NEVER peel potatoes. No one has ever complained in the fifty plus years I’ve served mashed potatoes with the skins mixed in!
Cindy,
Now that's a clever secret! I'm glad you feel less alone--we are God's handiwork, made to be together. Hugs, Linda
Linda, you are so brave to share your "secrets". When we went to the Writer's Conference in Long Beach WA, you rode with me and my cousin Bobbie. We spent the weekend there, you taught some classes, and then you rode home with me. I didn't know until you were posting later that you were unable to use your right arm, so you have learned ways to not bring attention to it. :) My husband passed away in 2011, and I can relate to the being alone but not being lonely. I also know that you don't "get over" grief. Over the years it gets bearable, but when you've spent 50 years with someone, they're always part of your life...and it can be in a good way. I still get a flashback when I see an fifth-wheel RV on the highway, coming toward me with a husband and wife in it. I was visiting friends in an RV park and saw a man and woman walking hand-in-hand down a path. It's amazing how quickly "he" is right next to me again, but how I ache to reach out and hold his hand. Re: peeling potatoes. RA renders my hands fairly unusable at times, so I buy the little red or gold potatoes you don't have to peel. For mashed potatoes (only during holidays usually), I rope in a family members to peel them, or (never for family gatherings) use instant mashed potatoes.....they're a very good replacement. :) Thank you so much for sharing your heart.
Oh Linda,
Of course I remember that weekend at the beach in Washington. What a beautiful story you tell about your guy. Next week the military cemetery in Roseburg will honor my Marine along with others who've passed away recently. I think that will be a test of my iron will not to cry, LOL. He always called me "sweetheart" and I still wince when I think of one time when I was really mad at him and yelled, "I'm not your sweetheart!" I apologized but that made me always cherish the times he still called me that instead of my name.
I write about this stuff so others won't feel so ashamed of their own challenges--and hope to inspire them to fin ally see that Jesus is carrying them through everything. Oh, and I do get the little spuds and on holidays, I make my famous "Magic Potatoes" with instant mashed potato mix. If you add enough cream cheese and sour cream, nobody cares about peeling the real thing. Hugs! Linda
As I age, I find myself getting angrier at the #@&% failures of the inanimates that are part of my life - things that suddenly fall from a counter and shatter on the floor, etc. Maybe it's my fault, maybe not but either way, my secret is that I find myself getting angrier and angrier.
Ed,
If I were a psychologist (I'm not), I'd say you're really angry at yourself for daring to lose function. I only say this because some days I feel like all I do is berate myself for clumsiness or not being perfect. it's hard to lose things., especially like eyesight, hearing, coordination, balance. You are NOT alone! ~Linda
Lovely. Thank you.